Hullo, minions! I was poking through some old drafts yesterday and came upon an aged, dusty post dated exactly one year ago today. Why I never posted it is beyond me, but after reading through it (and subsequently laughing my face off), I decided it would be quite appropriate for today.
Enjoy the misery of One-Year-Ago Sarah.
Yesterday was supposed to be the first day of spring.
Keyword: supposed to be.
This is what I woke up to on Tuesday morning.
Disregard the fact that it was a balmy 55 degrees just the day before. On the first day of Spring, we had a foot of snow.
I feel cheated.
But while I was draped across the heater and whining about moving to Australia, Anna refused to be so easily dispirited. She was bouncing off the ceiling, chattering about sledding and the like, all the while chiding me for being so grouchy. And eventually, like any good older sister, she manipulated me into leaving my little cave of warmth/happy thoughts and forced me out into frozen wasteland otherwise known as “Pure Misery.”
Amidst much grumbling and complaining on my part, of course.
Look at her. No one deserves to be so happy about snow.
I politely informed her of such.
She didn’t care.
After we’d bedecked ourselves in winter garb and marched to our inevitable dooms outside, Anna (for some strange Anna-ish reason) decided we needed a picture of the spectacle. She wanted to record her insane happiness for future generations, and how incredibly miserable I was.
Behold:
In my defense, it was cold.
After I’d made my negative position on the matter very clear, I was told to buck up and smile like a “normal, mature human being.”
Which was a death sentence for normal mature smiles.
This is what I call “The Grimace of Synthetic Cheer.”
In my defense, I was cold.
After this, Anna started prancing around and exclaiming about the glories of a good snowfall, to which I (more or less resentfully) pointed out that the Snowfallen Glories would have been better off coming within their designated time-slot on the calendar, instead of the first day of Spring. I then hunkered down into a happy little pillar of disgruntlement and proceeded to whine.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
I call this one the “Forsaken Waif” look.
Unfortunately (and as Anna soon discovered), the Forsaken Waif made a very good target for throwing things at.
See? I’m not the only mean one in this family.
Just look at me. A victim of humanity’s utmost cruelty.
I have no clue what I was saying here, but I’m pretty sure your imagination can fill in the blanks.
“If I can’t see it, maybe it will go away.”
It didn’t.
Neither did she.
#SoDone
After this, Anna miscalculated her aim and ended up launching a snowball at our photographer, who disappeared quicker than Emotional Stability in the wake of Kylo Ren. I wasn’t terribly disappointed. The camera woman (none other than my mother) was simultaneously making fun of my misery as she recorded it.
I’m not the only mean one in the family.
Once Anna had thoroughly exhausted her supply of snowballs and I had ceased to be an amusing target, we found some sleds and trekked off to the top of the hill. That was even worse. Anna hadn’t been able to find any snow-pants for us, but she’d told me (and I quote), “It’ll be fine.”
It was not fine.
Leggings are not waterproof.
Wading up a hill in a foot of snow is difficult enough in its own right, but when your clothing gets soaked through and you have an inch of icy fabric rubbing against your skin…
My whining intensified.
“Don’t be a wimp, Sarah,” Anna had the nerve to tell me. “My skirt is soaked through too, and I’m fine.”
“Well we can’t ALL have the endurance of an Atlantic squirrel,” I pointed out, though she wasn’t listening.
Once we got to the top of the hill, Anna said that the snow had to be packed down into a slick trail before the sleds would go down it. I was like, “Pfffffft, no it doesn’t. All you need is a running start.” I slapped my sled down, backed up a couple of feet, and bounded toward it with the speed and grace of a lumbering penguin.
Let’s be clear about one thing:
Snow needs to be packed down into a slick trail before you can sled on it.
After face planting and nearly losing my glove, I settled down to whine as Anna settled down to a task for which I was zero help. (In my defense, the cold had seeped into my ears — for some idiotic reason, I wasn’t wearing a hat — and was giving me a splitting headache.) I finally summoned the courage to beg a respite from the outdoors, fully expecting to be crucified by the queen of it all.
In a stunning turn of events, she actually let me go.
Before you start judging me for my weakling tendencies, let me just mention that when I was finally inside again, my knees were so frozen that they had swollen up and I could barely bend them. And I had a splitting headache. In my mind, that constituted a worthy excuse to not go back out when Anna finished the sled trail, and to lay around the house for the rest of the day, whimpering pathetically as indulgent parents tolerated me.
And this, folks, is why my siblings never bother asking me to go outside with them. Not all of us were made to be Laura Ingles Wilder.
For the record, Anna made fun of me when she finally came back inside.
I’m clearly not the only mean one in the family.
Three things we can learn from this post:
- My mom is underrated as a camera woman.
- I’m a wimp when it comes to the cold.
- Anna is diabolical.
Happy Spring, folks, and may the snow stop falling, the sun start shining, and no one get hit by a falling icicle.
~Sarah
The Sarcastic Elf 
YEAHHHH SPRING!!!! I am not a person who enjoys the cold…. at all. It’s just…. cold, and hey where did the sun go? I’ll take sun over snow any day.
Anna seems quite diabolical. How dare she? Doesn’t she know how painful snow can be? 😉 I once wrote a series of scenes which taken place in the far far far north in my first novel. Poor MC was quite frozen.
Anyway, all MCs aside, this post is awesome. Let us rejoice the coming promises of spring. 😛
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#IFeelYa #NoMoreWinter #BringBackSummer #FrozenLyricsAreVeryApplicable
Yeah, there’s nothing like reading/writing about people who are cold when you yourself are cold. I mean, we ARE told to write what we know, but… *casts a leery glance at her own story* Mine takes place in the dead of winter, and I’m seriously regretting that decision.
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who disappeared quicker than Emotional Stability in the wake of Kylo Ren.
^^^
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I can always count on you to appreciate my Kylo Ren references.
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Oooofff such wanton cruelty. :”D Playing in the snow’s pretty awful. Though I might mention—you should have had a hat. *stern eyebrows*
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You share my mother’s sentiments concerning the hat. 🤧
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4th Thing we can learn from this:
You’re not the only mean one in the family.
Ps. And Anna? Keep throwing snowballs at Sarah, its clearly good for her…wellbeing. (and our entertainment *coughs*). Also, I need a Sarah to throw snowballs at.
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You may not have a Sarah to throw snowballs at.
I refuse. 😑
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…..even if I pay for shipping?
XD
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I knew this post was going to be hilarious judging from the title, and I was not disappointed.
It’s actually 70-ish degrees here, so it feels more like the first day of summer than spring. That’s why fall is my favorite season instead of spring- we have like three nice days and then BAM! it’s heat and wasps and sunlight. *shudders*
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*blinks* That’s it, I’m moving to wherever you live.
…until summer hits. And I trade in the wasps for my frozen wasteland again.
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You should move to South Texas, we haven’t any snow, and the heat here has definitely not drove us insane at all *cackles disturbingly*
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The pictures. . . are. . . BEAUTIFUL. X’D Props to your mother for her stellar photography skills.
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She really does have a way of capturing my siblings and me in our most…. uh…. expressive states. 😂
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Lololol this was hilarious… where we live it is actually quite warm (it’s currently 61 outside) and my siblings are in shorts and t-shirts making themselves filthy digging a tunnel in the playground’s sand. So yeah, spring has come for us. I know this post was from a year ago, so do you guys have snow right now? 😮
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I WANT TO BECOME ONE OF YOUR SIBLINGS SO I CAN PLAY IN THE 61 DEGREE DIRT. *cries* We don’t currently have snow, but the temperatures are fluctuating between frigid and sub-arctic. This post was written while I still lived in Maryland, which has fairly temperate winters, and now I’m in Michigan, so…
One-Year-Ago Sarah had no idea how much worse it would get for her. XD
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Yikes, it sounds cold!! 😮
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So now the question of the day: which was worse, the snow a year ago, or the minus bajillion degrees a few weeks ago??? XD
Sorry. I don’t care for freezing cold, but it doesn’t bother me quite like that… I need to take you tubing sometime. On a hill that’s already been made slick. It’s a blast. 😀 😉
And your mother is amazing.
And Anna is INCREDIBLE.
And my final conclusion: you’re all diabolical. XD
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YES tubing! Sarah can we please go tubing with Corissa next winter? I promise to find those long lost snow pants *wink wink*
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…as an older sibling myself, I must confess I find it interesting that you’re asking for her permission. XD
And YES you MUST COME!!! 😀 If we don’t get enough snow down here at once (as has been the sorry case for the last few years), maybe you will up there, in which case I’ll have to come to you. 😉 Though snow does generally make for less than ideal driving conditions… *sighs*
We’ll figure something out, I’m sure. 😉
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Well, I figured it might be rude to demand that Sarah participate in an activity involving snow considering her aversion to the cold and her accusations regarding my treatment of her. (See I’m not the mean one in my family)😁
Now that the formalities are out of the way: WE’RE GOING TUBING NEXT WINTER SARAH! 😉
I’d be all for you coming tubing at our place…except we kind of live on a pancake…snowmobiling anyone?
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Yeah, our sibling hierarchy is messed up. XD
It must also be mentioned that Anna didn’t even know your pen name and your real name belonged to the same person until a few hours ago. She was literally willing to go tubing with a complete stranger for the sheer sake of tubing.
If that doesn’t sum up my sister, I don’t know what does. #CrazyWildOutdoorsWoman
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*grins at Anna* Banish those formalities! We don’t need them here. 😉
*tries to look sternly at Sarah* You BLEW my cover??? How do I know I can trust your sister???
*reads rest of post* *grins wildly* Never mind, I’m pretty sure I would trust Anna with my deepest secrets. Honestly, I’m beginning to feel like ya’ll are my long-lost-best friends I never knew I was missing, even though I’ve only known you for a few months and have never (technically) met you.
And Anna, maybe we can meet somewhere half-way? I know Michigan has hills in places… very steep ones… that are wearying to walk up in the mud… (yes I am speaking from personal experience XD ).
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OH MY WORD. XD This was a wonderful post.
Also; good. I’m not the only one in the world who despises cold. It is indeed a pure misery.
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“It is indeed a pure misery.”
I CONCUR WITH THIS STATEMENT.
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Your sister reminds me of Sam Stewart from Foyle’s War, if that means anything.
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So we don’t know each other, but UM YES. Totally agree. Also, the fact that someone else knows about Foyle’s War just made my day. 😀
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Hey, there’re other weirdos out there! (Of course there are, Sarah tends to collect them — I mean weirdos in this particular niche.) I haven’t seen a lot of it, but what I have seen I’ve really liked. It’s hard to go wrong with found family + detectives with strong moral codes.
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Indeed. xD Same, honestly — I’ve seen up till about half the second season, but I love love love it; Sam is so sweet & spunky, and Foyle is brilliant and also warmhearted which is just something to savor. *much happiness*
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And Milner! (I think my favourite bit with him might be the onion. . . you know.)
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Yessss, and Andrew!!
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I have nothing to add to this conversation except that I appreciate being known as a collector of Weirdos. That’s my new favorite thing I’ve ever had said about me.
Also, this Foyle’s War thing sounds like something I need to look up.
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… apologies for the spam. xD But yes, you should definitely look it up. =DDD
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No, please, by all means bond over an obscure drama. I think it’s kind of cool, actually. 😂
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YOU POOR FROZEN WAIF!!!
*intensely feels your pain*
Snow is utter misery… though it does make for pretty Instagram pictures.
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That’s… actually a fair point. Snow is worth it for aesthetic pictures. (And sledding.)
Nothing else.
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Is it bad I’m laughing my head off, Sarah? XD MY WORD. You’d DIE out here in the endless cold and snow and shiveringness. Also did I ever tell you Anna is a wonderful human being? 😀 Do tell her so. And my condolences for the Frozen Waif. XD
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You’re allowed to laugh. My misery is entertaining, apparently. 😏
Also, Anna agrees with you on the whole, “wonderful human being” part. In fact, she probably agrees a little TOO much. 😉
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It is. 😛 It really is.
Ah, the trouble of sisters. *sighs because I am one*
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BAHAHA. HAHA. HA.
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😜
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