I thought long and hard about a flamboyant catchphrase to open this post with, but the truth is, my sarcasm tank is empty and I find myself lacking the words to begin. What do you say when you've been gone for a year, when everything has changed but nothing is different, when the familiarity of [...]
Hello, my friends! My presence hasn't cursed your Thursday in several weeks! The reason for this absence is fairly simple: I've been slowly crushed beneath the inexorable weight of the universe and the relentless pressure of deadlines busy. Apart from taking on some new projects and plowing through the old ones, my library job invaded [...]
I owned a dog for three days. Completely by accident, I swear. I was driving home from work when mom broke the news. “Just so you know,” she told me, “we have a new addition at the house.” As she said this, I pulled into our driveway and was greeted by the shrill, vindictive yapping [...]
I went grocery shopping the other day. This may sound like a normal occurrence for an average person, but you must understand, I am neither normal or average. I'm also the kind of person who would rather perish than leave my house. Whether this is the result of introversion or an allergic reaction to people, [...]
I’ve come to a disturbing self-discovery of late: Namely, disaster has no effect on me whatsoever. I’m not sure when this vice took root, or how I managed to cultivate it so effectively while remaining oblivious to the evil tentacles wrapping themselves around every aspect of my life. My sister claims I suffered from this [...]
Greetings one and all, friends, comrades, and very large moths! Back in May, a Christian conference was being held in North Carolina with some of my family’s favorite speakers, like Paul Washer and Scott Brown and all those other fellows no one’s heard of before. Due to an insidious evil known as “work,” my dad [...]
Well hello, people! It's me! The crotchety reclusive INTJ in the mismatched socks! Welcome to a new day and another year of chaos! May we all fondly remember how depressed we were this time last year. (Not much has changed.) The last twelve months have been a whopper of an adventure, from getting employed for [...]
I recognize that no one cares, and thus I will forego the anticipated jokes about hindsight being 2020 and WWIII. Friends, we're alive. And despite the fact that the world's imminent implosion is beginning to look less like a joke and more like reality, I'd just like to say that neither rain, shine, nor communism [...]
Top o' the morning to ya, friends! Guess whose birthday is in two days? *gasp* Me! My birthday is in two days! (If you said Benedict Cumberbatch, you are also correct, but between the two of us I'm clearly more important.) Birthdays aside, be ye warned -- this post has neither structure or purpose. It [...]
Note: This post is a random conglomeration of stories from work. If you haven’t read the previous post about my job, I suggest doing some quick cramming, 'cause I ain’t going to explain it again. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, too bad for you. Here’s the link. Another Note: I tried really [...]
The Sarcastic Elf 