I’ve come to a disturbing self-discovery of late: Namely, disaster has no effect on me whatsoever. I’m not sure when this vice took root, or how I managed to cultivate it so effectively while remaining oblivious to the evil tentacles wrapping themselves around every aspect of my life. My sister claims I suffered from this [...]
Greetings one and all, friends, comrades, and very large moths! Back in May, a Christian conference was being held in North Carolina with some of my family’s favorite speakers, like Paul Washer and Scott Brown and all those other fellows no one’s heard of before. Due to an insidious evil known as “work,” my dad [...]
Well hello, people! It's me! The crotchety reclusive INTJ in the mismatched socks! Welcome to a new day and another year of chaos! May we all fondly remember how depressed we were this time last year. (Not much has changed.) The last twelve months have been a whopper of an adventure, from getting employed for [...]
Last year was weird. You saw the weirdness take shape in the form of germs and unflattering headgear and that time everyone was really enthusiastic about toilet paper, and all those insulting signs that assumed none of us knew the most basic principles of hygiene. I, on the other hand, came face to face with [...]
I recognize that no one cares, and thus I will forego the anticipated jokes about hindsight being 2020 and WWIII. Friends, we're alive. And despite the fact that the world's imminent implosion is beginning to look less like a joke and more like reality, I'd just like to say that neither rain, shine, nor communism [...]
Top o' the morning to ya, friends! Guess whose birthday is in two days? *gasp* Me! My birthday is in two days! (If you said Benedict Cumberbatch, you are also correct, but between the two of us I'm clearly more important.) Birthdays aside, be ye warned -- this post has neither structure or purpose. It [...]
I think we’ve had enough of it plastered across every headline, conversation, text message, social media post, blog post, lamppost, fencepost, whipping post, and every other post in existence. Friends, I come bearing glad tidings of joy in these troubled times: Believe it or not, I am one of those rare people who actually knows [...]
Before I welcome myself back and gush about the new year, I'd like to issue a formal apology for using the word "rad" in my post's title. Do I like the word rad? No. Is it a redundant word that should be eradicated (*coughs* eRADicated... okay now I hate myself) from the English language? Absolutely. [...]
My friends, I come as a herald of happy things and sad things, great joy and exponential tragedy. The happy thing is that kittens exist. The sad thing is that I don't have it in me to write a blog post. "Whoa, whoa, Sarah, it's already been two weeks. You're skipping AGAIN?!?!" ...make me feel [...]
"Guys, lets go to a rodeo," I said to my family one day. "Bullriding is a sport where people almost get trampled, and I want to see it." My family is well schooled in the ways of a writer and didn't bother raising their eyebrows. They even humored me, finding a nearby rodeo and the [...]
The Sarcastic Elf 