Greetings one and all, friends, comrades, and very large moths! Back in May, a Christian conference was being held in North Carolina with some of my family’s favorite speakers, like Paul Washer and Scott Brown and all those other fellows no one’s heard of before. Due to an insidious evil known as “work,” my dad [...]
Greetings, peasants. If by some misfortune you missed the last two posts in this series, I highly recommend catching up. (Or don't. Whatever.) To summarize – Anna got herself engaged to a fairly awesome horrible guy, and we subsequently failed as wedding planners. {Part 1} {Part 2} The week before the wedding, people started trickling [...]
Welcome back to the next installment of my sister's strange wedding story! If you haven't read Part 1, do so here. To summarize— Anna fell in love with a bearded dude and agreed to renounce her family's name in exchange for his. And I was not at all bitter. I will admit, I'd always imagined [...]
Last year was weird. You saw the weirdness take shape in the form of germs and unflattering headgear and that time everyone was really enthusiastic about toilet paper, and all those insulting signs that assumed none of us knew the most basic principles of hygiene. I, on the other hand, came face to face with [...]
I recognize that no one cares, and thus I will forego the anticipated jokes about hindsight being 2020 and WWIII. Friends, we're alive. And despite the fact that the world's imminent implosion is beginning to look less like a joke and more like reality, I'd just like to say that neither rain, shine, nor communism [...]
I think we’ve had enough of it plastered across every headline, conversation, text message, social media post, blog post, lamppost, fencepost, whipping post, and every other post in existence. Friends, I come bearing glad tidings of joy in these troubled times: Believe it or not, I am one of those rare people who actually knows [...]
My friends, I come as a herald of happy things and sad things, great joy and exponential tragedy. The happy thing is that kittens exist. The sad thing is that I don't have it in me to write a blog post. "Whoa, whoa, Sarah, it's already been two weeks. You're skipping AGAIN?!?!" ...make me feel [...]
Guys, I'm not gonna lie: Life is pretty great right now. I know, I know, I just spent five weeks agonizing over some silly graduation, and before that, flipping out over basic social interactions and the price of eggs. The world is morbid and dark and determined to be miserable, and as a cynical INTJ, [...]
*casually slinks in* Did you miss me? (If not, please go away.) Yes, 'tis I, returned from the void of... everything. And boy howdy, do I have stories to tell! If you're not sitting on a stable, flat surface right now, I highly suggest reseating yourself. What follows is a long and intense summary of [...]
Hullo, minions! I was poking through some old drafts yesterday and came upon an aged, dusty post dated exactly one year ago today. Why I never posted it is beyond me, but after reading through it (and subsequently laughing my face off), I decided it would be quite appropriate for today. Enjoy the misery of [...]
The Sarcastic Elf 