Guys, I’ll be honest: I had no clue what I was going to write about this week.
Therefore, I’m writing about the process of not knowing what to write. In case you ever want to try it yourself.
**WARNING**
What follows is not recommended for control freaks. It has been known to cause allergic reactions, heart failure, and in some extreme cases, death.
I should know, because I’m in that last category.
Procrastinate
Because it’s only Saturday, and OF COURSE I can churn something out by Thursday. It’s like, five days away—
Oh. It’s tomorrow?
I can still get it done.
Recruit the family for ideas
And then use none of them.
Consider that lame idea birthed and rejected two months ago
But no, I discussed this with the voice in my head, and we decided that it was too stupid to ever see the light of day.
Stress
I don’t think I got this across clear enough.
STRESS
There we go.
Yup, we’re going with the lame idea
Write like a desperate person
Mainly because I AM one.
It is now two o’ clock in the morning, and I am writing under the covers with a flashlight, counting down in my head how many hours left until I have to publish this thing. Fortunately, I’m too tired to be bothered by the stupidity of it, the horribleness of my grammar, or anything else that could cause offense to the brain. After throwing together a few disjointed thoughts and some failed attempts at humor, I. AM. DONE.
And it is wonderful.
Reread it the next day and realize that it’s actually not
Phooey.
Rewrite the intro
Because my sister Anna always says they’re terrible.
Rewrite the name
Because Anna says they’re worse.
Rewrite EVERYTHING
‘Cause let’s be honest here: It’s all bad.
Holy mackerel, is it 5 P.M. already?
No one said I HAVE to post it on Thursday. Friday is perfectly acceptable too.
Procrastinate until Friday
Because I obviously haven’t learned my lesson.
But seriously. I can get it done by Friday. No biggie. It’s only, like—
IT’S TODAY?
Make something up and call it good
Kind of like that, except with considerably more blood and explosions, and I’m actually not smiling, but, in fact, dead.
Slap that baby on the editing table
Mom: “You literally used the same word four times in the span of one sentence.”
Me: *googles synonyms for ‘very’*
Publish
WHAT? WAIT, NO, I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT. I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK. STOP.
Cringe
And possibly hold your breath or close your eyes or play dead, and in extreme cases, all three at once.
Celebrate surviving another week
Man, I can’t believe I lived through that. I must be super-human or something. I must be Captain America. Sheesh, I’m DEFINITELY not going through THAT again. I’ve learned my lesson this time. Really.
But right now, I’m going to rest my poor nerves by pretending I don’t have a blog. After all, the next post is due a week from now. I have time. It’s only, like, Saturday. Thursday is five days—
Wait. Thursday is tomorrow?
It’s actually shameful how many posts have been written this way.
Now you know.
Go forth, kids, and don’t be like me.
~Sarah
The Sarcastic Elf 
Great job, Sara! This is so funny, yet sadly true the same time.
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I know, right? Bloggers (some of us, at least…) are such pathetic things… 😂
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Haha I’m a minor control freak and that still happens to me. The only thing I suffered while reading this is laughing to hard. You have summed up the whole lifestyle of weekly post-writers. Also, yay! I’m second to comment here!
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It’s funny that some people can be such perfectionists, yet still be a wreck at organizing time. Oh well. Our lives will never be dull, at least. 😉
*hands you Second Commenter trophy*
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*accepts trophy happily* YAY I GOT A TROPHY I NEVER GET TROPHIES!!!
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😂 This has maybe given me second thoughts on getting a blog? (Nice Princess Bride gif, by the way. That movie has to be the most quotable movie in the history of time.)
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WAIT! NO! DON’T HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS! It’s definitely not like this for everyone, believe me. I just do it wrong. 🙂
(I love quotable movies—they always have an overabundance of gifs to use. It’s great.)
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You poor human. XD
We readers appreciate your agony, I tell you what.
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Well that’s good to know. My suffering is not in vain.
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I LOVE the Princess Bride! I’m so glad that somebody used one of their gifs. Maybe blogging is not for me after all…
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It has some great gifs…
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Yeah, this totally isn’t true for me…. *sarcasm* Ok. No. It. Is. TOTALLY. True. *cough* It is the fate of all writers.
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Glad to know I’m not alone. We’re a pitiful lot, aren’t we? XD
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Indeed. Ha, don’t worry. Those “Procrastination” and “lame idea” parts are very crucial in any good work of writing, I think. Or at least, they are for me. *grimaces and looks at own writing* Yeaaahhh…. 😀 The best part, though, is when you spend an hour complaining to your mom about a book you just read with all of the worst clichés in it (mentor being an old man with a beard; mentor dying; hero being an orphan; love triangle; hero being the weakling who proves to be strong or hero being the strong guy who… yeah, stays strong; etc.) and then proceed to go write something with all of those included and not see a problem with it. XD
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Hilarious! Very entertaining, indeed.
And yes, that moment when you realize you haven’t posted in so long that your readers have forgotten your blogs exists…
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*cringes* I dare say that will happen to me one day… blargh. Why is blogging so hard?
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Never fear sweet Sarah….I think your greatness lies in painting beautiful flowers on porch rugs….!!!! for your Granny!
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Though we could say that I approached that almost as well, considering it took me… what, six weeks? 😂
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The important thing here is…you finished it and…it is beautiful and will be treasured always!!!
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Oh, this is very true. *nods sadly* The fate of the blogger.
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