Hello, folks, and welcome this Thursday’s broadcast by yours truly. I think it’s high time for another Awkward Adventure of an Abnormal American.
Buckle up.
We all recognize that I’m shy, nerdy, and hard to get to know. Apart from my awkward (and usually bizarre) social behavior, I state my lack of people-skills ten times a day. As such, it’s no surprise that on the bright, chilly Sunday morning of our first Baran excursion to a new church, I locked myself in the bathroom and threatened to stay there unless my family went without me.
They didn’t.
You see, the worst part about moving somewhere remote and faraway is that you have to leave every scrap of known human contact behind. Family, friends, the nice Walmart optometrist – everyone I previously recorded in my list of acquaintances disappeared when my family moved away from our home state. And for a person who doesn’t have a whole lot of friends to begin with (read: none), the thought of having to make new ones sounds excruciating.
‘Cause hey, guys – I’m an introvert.
Bet you didn’t see that one coming.
“Here’s what will happen, Sarah,” said my unsympathetic sister, drilling me on ways to behave that wouldn’t convince people I was slightly mental. “When we get there, we’ll spend seven-and-a-half minutes loitering around our car, waiting for mom to double-check we all have our Bibles. After that, we’ll walk towards the door, just slow enough to look nonchalant. Henry Thatcher, the Door Greeter, will open the door for us and give us a program—”
In my terrified stupor, I genuinely believed that Anna had looked up the church website for the express purpose of learning what the door greeter’s name was. The fact that I might know something ahead of time (even something as insignificant as the door greeter’s name) almost made me feel better.
It never occurred to me that she’d created a hypothetical name for the sake of her example.
Anna continued her set of instructions, but I was more focused on keeping my hands from shaking. We pulled into the church parking lot, mom double-checked we all had our Bibles, and—
I had been lied to.
There, manning the stately double doors, was not one, but two Henry Thatchers.
Any sense of preparedness promptly died.
But despite the overwhelming desire to hide behind my parents for 90% of the experience, it was a surprisingly good day. I learned an important fact about new churches — if you stand close enough to your sister (who has absolutely no problem with the whole “extroversion” thing, despite being an INFP), you get included in all her conversations. No one mistook me for a reticent, stand-offish snob, and I didn’t even have to say a word.
Win-win, am I right?
Then came the Sunday two weeks later when, after the evening service, everyone went downstairs for a snack and a game. After hearing numerous horror stories on the types of games this church usually plays (all of them involve nasty food…), I wasn’t feeling particularly confident about the progression of the night. I had mentioned many, many times in the car ride over that I did not WANT to play the game, but apparently, my family doesn’t love me.
They made me play the game.
Fortunately, it was only a matter of sacrificing my dignity, not the contents of my stomach. We had to transfer cotton balls from one bowl to another, using nothing but a plastic spoon gripped between our teeth.
Despite the horribly undignified situation, I tried to retain my majestic qualities.
I failed.
In my defense, Anna was even worse.
But strangely enough, as saliva dripped down the handle of my spoon and people I barely knew laughed and yelled around me, someone shouting directions on how to hold the spoon a certain way between my teeth for better control, I felt a strange lack of tension in my chest. I couldn’t quite describe the feeling, but I held it tight. Even when it disappeared again and I was back to my shy, awkward self, stumbling over words and avoiding eye-contact, that sense of comfortableness glowed in my memory like a beacon of hope, reminding me that strangers don’t always stay strangers, and what is foreign will eventually become familiar.
For 3.27 seconds, I felt comforted.
Then someone I didn’t know started talking to me, and the feeling promptly died.
Fast forward to last Saturday. All the churches in the district gathered for the young people’s Bible Quizzing tournament (it’s like Jeopardy, except Christian), and despite the fact that we’d barely been attending a month and weren’t involved in the Bible quizzing, my family decided to go. We cheered on our team, listened to a message, and I was invited to play dodgeball with our church’s group after the provided lunch.
I’m not a big sports person (read: the most strenuous thing I’ve ever done in my entire life was lift three bags of groceries at once), but after being assured that my lack of dodgeball skills didn’t matter, I agreed to play with them. For a moment, it sounded like fun — getting out there with the people I was slowly but surely getting to know, and playing a simple, good-natured game where athleticism doesn’t matter and and the point is to have fu–
Then a man got up behind the podium and began to list the rules for what he called the “Dodgeball Tournament.”
HANG ON.
Nobody said nothing to me about a ‘tournament’.
The weird tremors in my hands started back up again.
See, here’s the thing about my introversion: It’s not the people that scare me. I don’t mind being around people I don’t know. But I’m also a control freak, and the thought of getting thrust into unknown circumstances with unknown outcomes, having absolutely nothing familiar to cling to, makes my palms sweaty. Imagine, then, my terror as I somehow found myself stuck on a dodgeball court with the opposing team (a group of six ferociously intense people) standing across the line and staring at me with (what looked like) murder in their eyes, and the referee shouting “GO!!”
I wanted to point out that my foot was currently stuck in the wall of netting behind me, and I couldn’t go, even if I wanted to, but–
UM, MR. REFEREE? THE OTHER TEAM IS THROWING THINGS.
And that was the moment I learned that the “dodge” in dodgeball is meant to be taken literally.
It was also the moment I realized that church sports were actually the beginning of the Hunger Games.
The desperate need to survive just a few more minutes took hold. And I learned something: When you’re stuck on a court with five other people — sweating, screaming, jumping, and fleeing for your lives together, as children with blood-lust in their eyes hurl flaming projectiles (AKA rubber balls) at you — there is no room left to be introverted.
I was too focused on not dying to worry about whether the vociferations gushing forth from my mouth made sense or not. (Hint: They didn’t.)
And when the members of the “Super Homeschool Squad” (for that’s what we called ourselves) congregated afterward, panting and laughing and cracking jokes about coming in second-to-last place, I found myself right in the thick of it. The control-freaky fears had fled, the nervousness had abated (somewhat), and I felt…. almost…
Comfortable.
So when the girl next to me glanced over, grinned, and said, “Gee, I’m glad you played with us,” I found myself uttering the words I never dreamed I’d say.
“Me too.”
I think that must be the secret to it all; the way to conquer this introversion I laud as both a privilege and a curse. Even when its scary, even when it’s awkward, even when its the exact opposite of what I deem “comfortable” — a willing attitude speaks louder than the words I stumble over.
And when you throw yourself into whatever’s going on, participating regardless of the fact that you’re new and frightened and shy, people will see that no matter how quiet you may be, you want to get to know them and make yourself a part. They will see, and they will appreciate it.
And, you know… a shared love of Lord of the Rings doesn’t hurt anything.
Happy Thursday, guys, and may the introverts feel strengthened, the extroverts feel thankful they don’t have to deal with any of this, and the ambiverts feel excluded because I have no words of wisdom for them other than “You guys are confusing.”
*fingerguns* So yeah.
~Sarah
The Sarcastic Elf 
SEE? THIS IS WHY I STAY IN MY HOLE.
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YOU ARE WISE.
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*cheers you on* GO SARAH!!! 😀 😀 😀
This sounds like so much fun. 😀 My church does quizzing sometimes as well; we actually have about 20 buzzers, and will either divide into families or else play “every man for himself”; in that case, once you answer 3 questions correctly you’re “out,” and someone new comes in to take your place. 😀
So glad you had a fun time! Can’t wait to hear about your next adventure. 😉
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Doing it with the families sounds SO. FUN. It’s like your own personal little squad. XD Up here, it’s 18 and under and they answer questions as a group. (Though I hear in the past they used to do the buzzer thing — I think that must be fun to watch.)
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Reading this has reminded me that some Native Americans sometimes broke each other’s arms and legs during particularly heated matches of an early form of lacrosse.
*daubs face with warpaint and picks up dodgeball*
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*shushes you* DON’T SCARE HER AWAY NOW!!! She’s finally starting to have fun with it… she doesn’t yet need to know the possible consequences of fun. Let her embrace it a bit more first. 😉
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You two are SO reassuring… 😶
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*grins* Hey, I’ve been having fun for practically my whole life, and I haven’t broken a bone yet. Not even a sprain. 😀 Just because something is POSSIBLE does not mean it is LIKELY. 😉
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MOOOODDD!!!! The amount of relatableness is insane!!!!
“It was also the moment I realized that church sports were actually the beginning of the Hunger Games.” N’ER WERE TRUER WORDS SPOKEN.
Honestly, my hands starting sweating as I read this.
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#introversunite
I truly had no idea that a bunch of kids running around throwing things could be so scary.
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D’AWW, this is great. And relatable. Despite the fact that I don’t think I’ve ever been your level of introverted. Even being on the borderline, this is relatable. *mutters* You wrote it too well. I felt like I was there. But you came out alive. And happy. *beams* Yay for willing attitudes and the struggle to have them in the first place.
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Be thankful. Introversion is not pleasant. XD
Though for the record (yes, I have to say this to make myself feel better) I generally don’t LOOK particularly introverted. It probably comes out more when I actually try to talk to people, but just sitting there, my shyness comes across more as chillness than anything. Which I am intensely grateful for.
The important thing is, I came out alive.
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Oh I know, believe me, and that I am. XD
Shy vs. chilly— yeah, I believe you. 😂 I don’t think I could pull off making my shyness look like chillyness. Or condescension. Or even affable condescension. Though that would be easier. *snort*
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Sarah, I love the honesty of this post and can relate a lot in some ways. I’m so glad that you’re starting to feel more comfortable with your new youth group by trying to forget about yourself and just go ahead and doing the activities as crazy as they are. I don’t struggle so much with introvertion, as much as I do as being actuely self-aware at times, which has so often kept me from from participating in something I later realize I would have had a lot of fun doing. I’m so glad I have my own sister and family to drag me into doing things I’m at first rather hesistant to do.
And I hate dogeball. 😛 And had to be dragged to youth group my first night back in September. 😀
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D’awww, thanks. And yes, families are WONDERFUL for making us poor insecure souls do stuff we think we don’t want to. 😉 I’m not terribly self-aware, but I have experienced a bit of it — NO. FUN.
…though it is comforting to know that basically everyone else in the room is probably just as hypersensitive about themselves (if not more so) than we are. XD
Welcome to another episode of Sarah’s Twisted Sense of Sympathy… We hope this broadcast has been… helpful. 😎
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*GASP!*
Sarah Baran has officially experienced the funnest kind of youth group out there. Our youth group used to have a pastor who LOVED doing dodgeball and food fights and other stuff like that, and his sermons were awesome, too. Our current leader is more chill, but I miss the craziness of the former leader. So congratulations, Sarah!
(. . .Says an extrovert. 😉 )
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(Oh, and for what it’s worth, I dislike dodgeball, too. ;P )
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Well, it wasn’t actually a youth group thing (all the families from my church came), but it was still a lot of fun — probably more so, considering one of the mothers sat in front of us during the Bible quizzing and kept glancing back at us and making snarky quips. 😂 My sarcastic little soul appreciated that. 😏
Your former youth pastor sounds nuts. 😉 XD
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Oh my goodness… another church who has dodgeball games (although at our church its known as Bombardment). I am so glad to know that there’s another INFP who has no problem extroverting!! I had begun to think I was an ENFP… though I might be… who knows! XD
I hoped for a moment that you’d say “Hello, Henry Thatcher” and the guy would look confused and you’d be humiliated, but sadly that didn’t happen. 😦 *laughs softly*
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BOMBARDMENT.
*keels over*
That is the greatest thing ever. Henceforth and forevermore dodgeball will be known as “Bombardment” to me. Thank you for blessing my day with such a title. XD
Anna understands you.
And… you have a twisted sense of humor. 😂😂😂
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Indeed! Though sometimes I think I’m the only one in the room with a real sense of humor, lol. XD
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😂😂😂
I know the feeling.
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*gaaaaasp of horror* dodgeball! I would have run to the bathroom and hid! You are a brave introvert for the rest of us! This is a very relatable post XD
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I did consider sneaking away and hiding in our car… But my cruel sister dragged me forth.
I’m not sure if that constitutes as bravery, but for the sake of my ego, I’d like to believe so. 😂
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Oh my goodness, I just found your blog and I love it! I absolutely adore dry wit and sarcasm (that’s gotten me into trouble in the past) and YOU are the queen. Ha ha, this was great! Rather a good preparation because we’re going to a new church next year and I, too, am an introvert. *bows*
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Hey hey hey, welcome here, New Follower Person!
(That… came out sounding a lot weirder than I intended. Nice.)
I’m glad you enjoy my caustic humor and *cough* dazzling *cough cough* wit! I do have fun with this sarcasm thing, so you may want to buckle your seat belt. So glad you’re joining in the mayhem — I hope to see around!
Have fun with the new church. *hides*
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IT’S OKAY, I’M WEIRD TOO. *waves* Heh heh, honey, sometimes I’m so dry people have no idea if I’m sarcastic or not. Mostly they just think I’m being serious…yeah that always goes well. And thanks!
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I can relate to this a lot!! My family just switched churches this year, and I can definitely agree that the more you get involved, the faster you get to know people and make friends. That’s awesome that there’s fellow homeschoolers there!
Also, I know you only mentioned this in the newsletter and not in this post, but I’m so excited you read A Time to Die!! It’s one of my favorites, and believe me, the series just keeps getting better. If you want to there’s an awesome post on Penprints about “44 Signs You’re Obsessed with the Out of Time Series.” (I’m not entirely sure how to post the link, otherwise I would have….
)
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#ChurchNewbieSquad #IntrovertsUnite #We’reAwesomeAndAwkward
MUAHAHAHAHA, YESSSS. I absolutely adored the first book. Like, seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever read a 400+ page book in two days before. The second one doesn’t grip me quite as much, but Parvin is still Parvin, and that is enough. I am DEFINITELY looking up that post once I’ve finished the last book. 🤓
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As someone with extreme social anxiety and introversion, I applaud you! It’s definitely not easy to put yourself out there, but I’m glad you did. It definitely gets easier the more you go and put yourself forward, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the early stages. I hope you and your family enjoy your new church! My family used to church-hop (as we called it) quite frequently in my childhood, so I can relate to the awkwardness.
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Hi, Sarah!👋🏼 I happen to be a fellow introvert, and laughed through this entire post because of how relatable this really was! #thestruggleisreal Although, I am one of those introverts that love to be with other humans, but am simultaneously terrified.😂 Some think I am an extrovert, but those close to me know better! I happen to have INFJ posts on my blog, as well. (I am so weird though that I am a combination of about 4 different types, I think.😂) What type are you?
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I love all your stories 😆 I wish you continued luck with getting more comfortable! 😉
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THIS IS WHY INTROVERTS GO NOWHERE. PEOPLE.
And yes, church sports is a gentle way of describing the Hunger Games. It’s hectic. *dies*
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