Unruly Characters and Awkward Interviews // meet the cast of Aeterna

I would like to formally recant a statement I made last week:

“Boy, NaNoWriMo is easy!”

[insert negative adjectives here]

The biggest downfall with nano is that all my creative energy gets channeled into my book, with none left over for the blog. This results in stress, scrambling last minute to churn out something half-way decent, and — you guessed it — more stress.

With Aeterna on my mind so much lately, and finding nothing better to post, I figured I might as well sit down and interview Liriel, my protagonist. Yes, it’s a boring idea, but… whatever.

What resulted is not my fault.


Hello, Liriel! Thank you for joining us today.

Liriel crosses her arms.

So to kick this thing off, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself? Your name, your age, all the fun stuff.

Liriel: “Considering you’ve already mentioned my name seven times in the last three paragraphs, introducing myself seems like a dreadful waste of words.”

Ehm… right. Okay then. Tell us some interesting things about yourself.

Liriel: “If I must. My name is Liriel–”

You just said you weren’t going to introduce yourself…

Liriel: “–and my purpose is to serve my people to the best of my ability, no matter what form that takes. The rest is none of your concern.”

Interviewing you was a bad idea.

Liriel: “Quite.”

Okay, well, since you brought it up, we might as well talk about the Aeterna. Who are they?

Liriel: “The best.”

Besides that, I mean. (And try and answer with more than two syllables, please.)

Liriel, muttering: “You certainly are a demanding author. Fine, then: The Aeterna are a race of forest dwellers blessed with long life by our God the Sovereign. We are militant and straightforward, adhering strictly to the laws of duty and righteousness. We honor strength as the noblest virtue a creature can possess.”

What are some of the Aeterna’s weaknesses?

Liriel, staring icily down her nose: “We have none.”

Yep. I thought you’d say that. So, moving on: What impression do you make on people when they first meet you?

Liriel: “How should I know? Can I see their thoughts?”

Well, no, but… Put it this way: What impression do you think you make on people?

Liriel: “Why would I waste my time making suppositions about things that I have no way of knowing?”

Fine. What impression do you want to make on people?

Liriel: “A good one, I should think.”

I hate you.

Liriel: “Likewise, I’m sure.”

Lotch, randomly popping up: “People gen’rally scream when they first meet Liriel, though I honestly don’t get it. Just ’cause she’s creepy and all don’t mean she’s gonna mug ’em.”

Liriel gives a startled shriek, claps a hand to her mouth, and continues with frazzled sternness: “Where did you come from?”

Lotch: “Tapitha says a stork dropped me through the chimbley when I was a baby, but I think that’s silly. Hey, what are you doing? Can I do it too?”

Sorry Lotch, but this interview is so we can get to know Liriel better. You’ll have your turn later.

Lotch: “Oh. Drat”

ANYWAY. Liriel, let’s get personal for a moment: What’s one of your biggest fears?

Lotch giggles: “Liriel’s biggest fear is being asked this question….”

Liriel, looking more frazzled than ever: “WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?”

Lotch: “I dunno. I’m bored.”

*coughs into sleeve* Liriel, is there anything you’ve always wanted to do but have never done?

Lotch: “I always wanted to try on Mister Sley’s hat, but I don’t think he’d like that too much.”

Hey, speaking of which, why don’t you tell us about–

Liriel: “DON’T ASK THAT.”

–Sley?

Liriel slaps a palm against her forehead and groans.

Lotch: “Sley is a real nice chap with a cool hat! He’s super polite (except when he yells at people) and he’s always really gentle and sweet (except that one time he stuck a fella with his sword) and I like him a whole bunch. Liriel says he’s a missionary.”

Liriel: “MERCENARY. SHE MEANS MERCENARY. THE MAN HAS KILLED PEOPLE.”

Lotch: “Liriel, honey, I know you don’t like him, but you don’t gotta insult the poor guy.”

MOVING ON. Liriel, who’s your best friend?

Liriel: “I–”

Lotch: “Blarmey, you actually got friends?”

Liriel: “YES, I have friends. He’s–”

Emolas wanders in and promptly trips over the carpet: “Hello, everyone!”

Liriel sighs: “And there he is. How many people did you invite, Lotch?”

Lotch: “Shucks, I dunno…”

Emolas, beaming: “I brought Sley too.”

Sley is dragged in, clutching his hat for dear life and waving his sword wildly: “Confound it! What does a fellow have to do to get away from you people?”

Lotch: “Aw, you know you love us.”

Liriel: “I find serious error with that statement.”

Guys? Can we… stay on topic here? Liriel, tell me about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.

Lotch, bouncing up and down and flapping her hand: “Ooh! Ooh! Lemme answer this one! The worst thing that’s ever happened to Liriel was that time when–”

Liriel: “Lotch, we don’t need to talk about this.”

Lotch: “–when we were hiding in that cave thingy and Nob was flipping out because you’d just–”

Liriel: “WE DON’T NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS, LOTCH.”

Aven pokes his head through the door: “…if it helps, I’ve been keeping a record of all the worst days of your life.”

Lotch: “Hey! It’s you!”

Aven: “I heard something about an interview that needs disrupting?”

Liriel: “I hate all of you.”

Sley, muttering in the corner: “I hate you.”

Emolas, giving the stern Eyebrows of Disappointment: “Come, my friends, let’s be charitable about this.”

Aven throws something at Emolas.

Lotch: “CHARIOTS? We got them too?”

Okay then. The whole gang is here. Well, seeing as everyone decided to show up for *cough* Liriel’s *cough cough* interview, here’s a question for all of you: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone?

Everyone looks at Sley.

Sley, glowering: “No comment.”

Liriel: “Logically speaking, you’ve done more terrible things than any of us, so it only makes sense that you should go first.”

Lotch: “Come on, Mister Sley, out with it. Spill the beans.”

Emolas, quickly cutting in: “If you want to. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Sley, still glowering: “This is stupid.”

Aven: “Not as stupid as you! HA!!!”

Aven gives high-fives all around.

Sley’s glower darkens, if that’s at all possible: “The worst thing I’ve ever done to someone is what I’m about to do to you.”

Whoa, whoa, guys, slow down. We all agreed we wouldn’t ask Sley any uncomfortable questions.

Liriel: “An unfair agreement, considering no such stipulation was made for any of us.”

Lotch: “Yeah! We don’t got no staple-nations. What do you say to that, author lady?”

Lotch, glancing at Liriel and whispering loudly: “What’s a staple, anyway?”

Aw, come on, Liriel. He’s a villain. We have to protect his privacy, or it might spoil things for the readers.

Liriel: “Right. Because asking me about the worst day of my life isn’t at all considered a spoiler.”

*silence*

Liriel: “IN FACT, if I didn’t know any better, I would say you were playing favorites.”

*awkward coughing* Whaa-aa-aat….?

Emolas: “Alright everyone, let’s settle down and give her the benefit of the doubt. Authors don’t play favorites.”

Aven: “HA! That’s rich, coming from you. We all know she likes you the most.”

*modest protesting* Really now, just because he’s better than everyone else and gets all the coolest scenes doesn’t mean he’s my FAVORITE…

Aven: “SHE ADMITS IT! The author plays favorites! Ladies and gentlemen, this calls for drastic measures! Anarchy! Mutiny! Revolution! FREE THE CHARACTERS!!”

Aven prances off, singing “The Red and Black” from Les Miserables.

Emolas, clearing his throat: “Revolutions take organization, Aven, and considering you don’t like organization, I respectfully suggest you drop that notion.”

Sley: “No, wait, I think we should listen to him. That’s the only idea that’s made a wit of sense this entire blasted time.”

Aven, blinking: “Wait, really?”

Lotch: “I have no idea what anyone’s talking about, but I support it.”

Emolas: “Can we please try not to get distracted by revolutions? We’re not that kind of book. Our author may have her flaws, but she’s at least trying to keep us from sounding like a typical YA dystopian.”

Lotch: “…I don’t know what that is, either.”

Emolas: “I think we’re missing the point here. Revolutions are not the point, Aven. Favoritism isn’t the point, either.”

Aven, sulking: “Care to enlighten us, then, about the point?”

Emolas, looking monstrously pleased with himself: “The point, gentlemen, is that our author wants the best for us. She doesn’t want to see us get hurt.”

*nervous giggling* Uhhhhh…. well, actually…

Lotch, snickering: “Snot-Head called me a gentlemen…”

This seems like a PERFECT time to move on. So here’s a fun question for y’all: What would you like it to say on your tombstone?

Sley: ” ‘Death was the only friend who dealt gently with him.’ ”

*awkward silence*

Aven: “I’ll admit, I was expecting something more along the lines of, ‘Here lies Sley — who, coincidentally, was a liar, so this tombstone is also a pun.”

Aven finger-guns: So… yes. Now I feel like horrible person.”

Lotch, tears streaming down her face: “D’you need a hug?”

Liriel: “Author, you have a twisted view of fun.”

I’ll admit, that didn’t go according to plan.

Aven: “Which makes sense, considering you’ve never had a plan in your entire life.”

touché.

Liriel: “Are we almost done here? This is growing tedious.”

Emolas: “Liriel, you shouldn’t make her feel bad. She’s trying her best.”

Liriel: “She’s talking to Aven. When has talking to Aven ever constituted as trying one’s best?”

*long silence*

Emolas: “I find it incredibly frustrating that there’s nothing I can say to dispute that point.”

Come on, guys, let’s not get distracted. My last question for you is about the book. How would you describe it to someone who doesn’t know what it’s about?

Sley: “It’s a stupid book.”

Aven snickers: “I mean, he’s not wrong…”

Lotch: “It’s a book about monsters and swords and heroism and stuff — though Liriel spends most of the time flipping out and I generally end up saving the day.”

Liriel: “NOBODY LISTEN TO HER.”

Emolas: “Aeterna is a story that explores the inherent nature of mankind, and our primal views of God. Along the way, you meet many lovely people–”

Sley slouches in the corner, muttering curses and threats about ‘idiot sprites’.

“–and witness the beginnings of many lovely friendships.”

Aven throws something at Liriel.

“But above all, Aeterna is a story of failure and faith; a story about humanity’s struggle to rise from the mire of their sins and reach for God’s untainted and unattainable holiness.”

Lotch picks her nose.

Thank you, Emolas, for that nice little marketing pitch. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give it up for the cast of Aeterna!

*the cast troops out, tripping over each other and bickering bitterly*


So anyway, I hope you enjoyed that. These people are messed up. Writing them has been a real… uh… joy.

*awkward coughing*

Have a nice day, folks, and may NaNoWriMo shrink beneath your pen.

~Sarah

35 thoughts on “Unruly Characters and Awkward Interviews // meet the cast of Aeterna

  1. -incoherent squeals and squiks and other assorted fangirling noises-

    I LOVE THEM ALLLLLLLL

    Ahem. That was amazing. (Coincidentally, my characters tried to stage a revolution once. It….uh…went well, I suppose.) Please write more stuff like this, on order of the Lady Aislinn. (Wait, does the Sarcastic Elf Ethryndal even have to listen to the Lady Aislinn? -is confused-)
    Anyway…epical.

    Like

    1. Hehehehehehehe….

      The Sarcastic Elf likes to think she takes orders from NO ONE, though her mother might have a thing or two to say about that. In this case, the Elf has deigned to listen to the honorable Lady Aislinn, and is taking this opportunity to hint at even more epical things to come. 😉

      Like

    1. HAHA, THANKS!!! Would it shock you greatly if I said that I was seriously contemplating not posting it because I thought it was too weird and no one would like it?

      Knowing me, it shouldn’t shock you at all. XD

      And yes, Silva is my poor shunned child.

      Like

  2. SO VERY NICE to finally meet the characters! And I appreciate that Emolas has an expression featuring the Eyebrows of Disappointment. I already love the poor dear soul.

    Like

      1. *sobs* Thank you, friend, thank you. I shall appreciate the dear character even more now. Be warned, however…providing you finally get this book out there one day, I shall be buying a copy and scouring it for mention of the Eyebrows of Emolas. XD

        Like

  3. Let me say this, if you don’t hurry up and get this book PUBLISHED and IN MY HANDS TO READ, there are going to be some terrible consequences. Like, we’re talking about mind explosions, end of the world, apocalypses, no more ice cream, and EVERYTHING. Trust me, you DO NOT want to make the ice cream go away, seriously, bad things will happen. So basically, what are you doing still here? BEGONE already!

    Like

    1. DON’T MAKE THE ICE CREAM GO AWAY. Zhis is why I’m doing NaNoWriMo. To protect the ice cream. And the readers brains.

      Honestly, it’s rather frightening to know my people are looking forward to this book… XD

      Like

  4. I LOVES THEM ALL
    *clutches them tightly and eyes you suspiciously* We’s isn’t sure they’s is safe with the preciousss… we’s doesn’t want anything to happens to themses. Maybe we’s should keeps them safe.
    But if we did that, then she would never finish the bookses.
    *slowly gives them back* We’s wants the bookses preciousss…
    😀 😀 😀

    Like

    1. *snatches characters back and looms over them, black cape swirling and ominous music filtering down from the cobwebbed shadows of her deep dark lair* We thinks you might be right, Precious….

      Like

  5. Oh. My. Storms.

    This is amazing, Sarah. I was quite literally laughing at some parts, snickering authorishly at others, and just being in awe at your skill the entire time. *cue the applause*

    Like

    1. EEEEEP, THANK YOU. ZHIS MAKES ME HAPPY.

      (Liriel, sulking in the corner: “Show off. We’re the ones who actually did anything. You just prattled on and on about your silly questions.”)

      Like

  6. *grins* This was was great. Talking with your characters can be so much fun.
    You asked in the tags: Were is Silva? (Probably where)
    I ask: Who is Silva?
    Kay: *lying on the ground for no reason* I’ll do you one better. Why is Silva?
    Me: What are you doing here?!
    Kay: *stands up* Asking better questions. *shrugs* And I heard something about favorite characters.
    Me: *facepalm* This is a comment, not a character interview. Go back to your book!
    Kay: Why? Don’t you need me in a different book? *smiles slyly*
    Me: Then go back to book you are needed in.
    Kay: Whatever you say… *waves* *leaves*

    Like

  7. HAHAHA, I love them all!! This is by far the most entertaining interview I’ve ever read. And “I find it incredibly frustrating that there’s nothing I can say to dispute that point” is the best line ever XD. Emolas really is the best. And mercenary/missionary – that is so cute!! Totally something a nine-year-old would say.

    And now I REALLY want to read your book. I know what it’s like to be writing forever, so I won’t ask you to hurry up and finish so I can buy and devour these characters immediately.

    But I’m not saying I would complain, either. 😉

    Like

    1. Heh, thanks! I had a lot of fun with it. Or at least, my CHARACTERS had a lot of fun with it. I’m still not sure which one of us wrote this thing.

      *fist pump* I HAVE INDOCTRINATED SOMEONE INTO THE EMOLAS FANCLUB. My life is complete.

      And honestly, that’s very nice of you. I have inadvertently created a monster as all my people breath down my neck, waiting for this thing to get published. XD I’m past the 100,000 word mark, at least. Though that number is slowly losing its meaning as I realize how much I have yet to write… 😳

      Like

      1. So I thought I should imform you as to what had been happening to my mind lately . . . .

        I was reading Luke 14:
        3 And Jesus responded to the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath, or not?”
        4 But they remained silent. Then he took him and healed him and sent him away.
        5 And he said to them, “Which of you, having a son or an ox that has fallen into a well on a Sabbath day, will not immediately pull him out?” 6 And they could not reply to these things.

        And I was imagining the scene as I read it. Jesus is there, asking the question, and the Pharisees are shifting around and glaring at him, and then all of a sudden, a Pharisee with green hair pops up and says, “ I find it incredibly frustrating that there is nothing I can say to dispute that point.”

        I just about laughed my head off 🤣🤣

        Like

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