Good afternoon, my minions.
You may remember that a couple weeks back, I did a survey about my blog. For scientific purposes. Many of you have expressed an interest in seeing the results, and I’ve decided that it’s in my best interest to heed you. The time has drawn nigh:
Welcome, ladies and gents, to the Sarcastic Elf Poll Results.
If you were expecting them to confirm once and for all that I’m officially amazing, you are 100% correct.
I’ll be honest though; I’ve been procrastinating on this one for a while, simply because it’s tough material to compile while simultaneously keeping my ego from flying off into the boonies. The reason behind this?
YOU PEOPLE ARE TOO GOOD TO ME.
Seriously. I gave you a safe, anonymous place to unload the deepest depths of your cruelty, practically asking you to be mean to me, and all I received was an outpouring of encouragement and support and super sweet comments. This survey certainly proved one thing: I have the best group of followers in the bloggisphere.
Except this person.
I’m 99% positive I know who this is. So much for anonymity….
And for the record, I will NEVER become your minion. Many have tried. All have failed. Get used to it.
Anyway. Let us proceed.
The Sarcastic Elf Survey Results
What’s your favorite category?
The first two were no surprise, but I genuinely wasn’t expecting the category of writing to come in third place. I’ve done what, three posts about it? Sheesh. I’ll have to remember this.
And just so nobody feels the need to break out their armor of righteous indignation, those two people who chose the “I hate them all” option were being funny. I don’t have haters. (Though that would definitely be an interesting landmark in my journey as a writer…) Observe:
Good to know.
What’s your favorite thing about my blog?
Eheheh…. these were fun to read. Albeit slightly not-great for my already inflated ego.
As you can see, the general consensus is that people like my sarcasm. As if I needed any more encouragement…
This could be mildly dangerous.
What’s your least favorite thing about my blog?
There was a bit more diversity with these answers, thought they mostly fell into three categories:
Yeah. I wholeheartedly agree. I’m working on this.
I find it incredibly ironic that I inspire people to be better bloggers, when I myself hardly have a clue what I’m doing.
If time were more readily available—and, more to the point, if I was not a lazy slob—I assure you, I would heap thousands of posts upon your head.
What’s your favorite post?
There was a landslide vote on this one:
Seriously, 90% of the people chose that as their favorite post. Which is hilarious, because I actually didn’t think that one got as good a response as other things I’ve written. Just goes to show, you can’t always judge a book by the reviews on the back cover.
Or something like that.
Since this seemed to be the second favorite (basically, anyone who didn’t pick 60 Page Theory chose this one instead), I thought I would be fair and stick it in here.
Then of course, there was this:
*blinks* Your suggestion has been noted.
Randomness of my posts
When you read my blog, do I feel relatable and real?
Kind of a weird question, I know, but this one is very important to me. When I started this blog, one of my primary goals was to only ever be myself on it—and through that, be a person that others can appreciate the writing of because they identify with and relate to the author. In real life, I’ve always gravitated toward the unassuming types who didn’t feel the need to pretend they were what they weren’t—to pretend that they didn’t do embarrassing things or make mistakes or have struggles, etc.
People who don’t hide behind a facade of perfection are refreshing to be around, and I genuinely hope that on this blog, I’ve only ever been 110% honest about myself. ‘Cause guess what?
I do stupid stuff sometimes.
If possible, can you explain your answer to the above question?
Eh, I’m not going to include these answers, simply because most of them were a little more personal and I want to clutch them all protectively to my heart and pretend to have a feeling. Because I’m stingy like that.
Though to whoever this anonymous person is…
…can we be friends?
Fellow skirt wearer?
Which parts of my layout do you think need improvement?
Yes, I am ashamed to admit that on the subject of pizza, my blog is sorely lacking. Forgive me, children. Henceforth and forevermore, I shall endeavor to write the most pizza-ish blog that ever pizza-ed.
Anyway, I don’t think it’s a great surprise that my layout needs work. And I am working on it, believe me. Just you wait, Henry Higgins, just you wait. *says no more*
Would you be interested in a Sarcastic Elf newsletter?
*politely abstains from comment*
Any closing statements?
Once again, there were a lot of these so I’m not going to include them all, but here are some of my favorites.
Oh, sheesh… This is a question for someone who actually knows what they’re doing. Which definitely isn’t me. Basically, I found a free stock photo that looked vaguely intriguing and semi-connected to my story, and slapped a title on it using Canva. Real professional, I know. If you just want a mock-up cover, that’s as good a way as any to go about it, but if you’re looking to make an actual, professional cover for your story, then please, DON’T DO IT THAT WAY. I’m using it at the moment, but it’s not what I’ll be publishing my book with. Find someone who knows what they’re doing/google it, and I’m sure you’ll figure something out.
Also, the collages were a conglomeration of googled images and things I snitched from friends’ Pinterest boards, because I’m sneaky like that. Befunky.com has a lovely collage maker—it’s the only one I’ve found so far that lets you customize the size of each individual square—so I highly recommend that.
And finally, last but not least, a word about the anonymity of the survey: Everyone seemed tremendously pleased by the fact that I will never know who they are. Which is frustrating for me, to say the least. However, one such person seemed particularly proud of that fact.
You wouldn’t happen to be Catwing, by any chance?
(But despite how accurate or inaccurate that assumption proves to be, the fact that I was an inspirational force in your journey to Kingdom Pen awareness is beyond cool.)
On the subject of Spelling
It must be noted that when originally putting together this survey, I spelled the word ‘professionalism’ wrong, corrected it, and cracked a joke about it. To quote myself here, “And yes, at one point, I almost spelled “professionalism” as “porffessionalism”.
Well apparently, the corrected version was still spelled wrong.
So I facepalmed a couple times, and fixed it again.
And somehow managed to spell it wrong. Again.
What was I was just saying about sometimes doing stupid stuff…?
In conclusion, I would like to extend a hearty thank-you to everyone who participated in this survey. (Sheesh, that sounded professional.)(Notice that I spelled it right this time.) It’s been quite enlightening as I try to improve this blog, and I think all your niceness has been infecting me. In the past four weeks, I’ve had three distinct feelings! My poor heartless heart can’t take so much emotion.
However, your support and encouragement means the world to me, and I had the time of my life reading, smirking, chortling, and warm-fuzzying over all your different responses. I set out on this blogging venture with the aspiration of bringing some laughter to this hilarious old world of ours, and many of you seem to think I have succeeded in that goal. Words can’t express how happy that makes me.
Now, with your opinions safely tucked away in the back of my brain, I hope to be better equipped in tailoring this train-wreck to your expectations.
And, you know, I’ll eventually be setting out on the arduous task of updating my blog, so stay tuned for that.
Happy Thursday, guys.