*casually slinks in*
Did you miss me? (If not, please go away.)
Yes, ’tis I, returned from the void of… everything. And boy howdy, do I have stories to tell! If you’re not sitting on a stable, flat surface right now, I highly suggest reseating yourself. What follows is a long and intense summary of the 30 days I spent away from my blog, and, well… it’s long and intense.
// life //
Coming into April, I thought the biggest thing that could POSSIBLY happen during the month would be Camp Nano. I continued to think that even as my dad and I left on a short, two-day trip together, during which I was certain I would get lots of writing done.
As I sat in a hospital ER nine hours from home while my father had surgery for a heart attack, I realized I miiiight have been mistaken.
(No, you didn’t misread that. My dad had a heart attack. A major one. While we were away from home. And it was terrifying.)
Fortunately, my older brother lives in the area, so he became my primary taxi to shuttle me back and forth to the hospital while everything was going down. (To the past me who always dismissed the idea of getting a driver’s license with, “Pffffft, what would I do with it even if I had one?” — I have but one thing to say to myself:
The first trip to the hospital, after dad had been brought by ambulance and we were waiting in the emergency room, I was allowed to go into the back to see him. Unfortunately for my timorous soul, I wasn’t allowed to take anyone with me. Which means that I, who was already on edge, had to walk through the big metal doors that lock behind you by myself, and stand in the hospital ER by myself, while frenzied nurses and the grievously injured clogged up the halls.
And there I was. By myself.
It was at this point in time (after the doors had already locked and there was no hope of getting out again) that I realized I had no idea where I was going. Looking more like an abused puppy than I care to admit, I wandered up to one of the nurses, gave her my most pathetic stare, and whimpered, “…I can’t find my dad.”
I must have looked as pathetic as I felt, because she took pity on me and abandoned whatever she was doing to help me find him.
(Moral of the Story: If you want to gain support in the ER, look as lost and confused as possible.)
(I must also mention that when I DID find him, he had the nerve to say, “The one bright spot in all this is that at least I got to have a hamburger before it happened!” If he didn’t have innumerable IVs stuck in him, I might have slapped him.)
But it all worked out in the end. The Lord provided us with miracle after miracle, from minor things like keeping my sanity intact, to major things like sustaining my father through a heart attack that probably should have killed him. A week later mom and Anna were finally able to join us, and our”exile in a foreign land” became much more bearable.
Though every single one of us had a massive adrenaline letdown after it was all finally over…
// camp nano //
Due to the unforeseen circumstances chronicled above, my grand cabin plans took a nose-dive. I wasn’t able to participate nearly as much as I had hoped, and my people were often left to fend for themselves. That being said, I was able to get one thing right. Remember how I originally said that my cabin was called “The Sarcastic Scriptorium?”
Of course, I didn’t leave it that way, but it was fun while it lasted. The very first message in the entire cabin was this:
In fact, I think Snaps and I had a little too much fun together, until at one point I realized there were 87 messages of just… well…
But to give you a clue as to how crazy the rest of the cabin-members were, this was a recap of our first week together:
I’m sorry I couldn’t have participated more, but all in all, I think we had a good time together…
// the epiphany //
This is the important part, so don’t skip it:
Two weeks stranded away from home with a parent in the hospital leaves a lot of room for thinking. It also instigates serious introspection, and as I whiled away the hours in a mixed state of anxiety and prayer, I came to realize something.
Life is short.
Sure, it’s a pretty basic epiphany. But at the same time, having that truth made so brutally personal forced me to take a closer look at my own short life. And what I discovered was this:
Life is short, but full of distractions.
Sometimes, those distractions aren’t inherently bad — like my writing. I always strived to write for God’s glory, and that’s a good thing. The bad part comes in when you’re so focused on doing this one thing for God’s glory that you ignore all the other things.
// hiatus //
And that, my friends, leads me to my final point: Another hiatus. I hate dropping my blog again so soon after picking it up, but I feel strongly that the Lord is prompting me to take another break from the internet — much like I did last May. I turn eighteen in two months, and the thought of being a legal adult has spurred me to some MASSIVE life examination. The conclusion?
I’m not where I should be spiritually.
I want my relationship with God to be deep, personal, tangible, exciting. I don’t want to be forever trapped on the edge because other things are distracting my focus. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to smell the roses without worrying about the pressure of writing deadlines that must be met. I want to enjoy the Spring outside my window instead of constantly staring at a screen. And lately, my writing has prevented me from doing that.
I quite agree, Sam. The question is, will I return?
…yeah, that prank’s not gonna work a third time. Yes, I fully intent to return at the end of May. You have my solemn word of honor.
// other such paraphernalia //
I originally included this in the title only because I thought it sounded funny, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt morally obligated to add it to the post.
So here you go. Some random paraphernalia to brighten your day:
“I wouldn’t worry, my friend.” Emolas shrugged. “They won’t leave us here forever. Two Aeterna wandering the wastes alone — oh yes, their cynicism will turn into suspicion, and suspicion always leads to questioning.”
Liriel rubbed the space between her eyes and sighed. “And what, pray tell, happens then?”
“Oh, they’ll torture us, probably,” Emolas said cheerfully. “First-class method of gaining sensitive intelligence! I’d try it myself, if I weren’t morally opposed to the entire concept.”
Anyway, my minions, it’s time to bring this long and scattered post to a close. I’ll miss you all terribly, but in the meantime, enjoy your Spring! Get lots of grass-stains! Avoid bees like the plague!
UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN (in June), I BID YOU ALL A VERY FOND FAREWELL!!!