Newsflash:
I’m not on top of things.
I know, I know, that’s such a shock. [insert disinterest blinking here]
Seeing as I’m not on top of things, this week found me scrambling last minute to provide something interesting to post about. (Which, at this point, isn’t much of a rarity.) So I sat down and thought very hard (false) until a shiny bit of inspiration came to me:
(Actually, it came to Anna, who gave it to me, but let’s ignore that detail.)
For the first time in my life, I have a bedroom of my own.
See, my brother has his own place now and doesn’t live with us anymore. Because of that, an empty spot opened up in the 3-bedroom house. And because I’m a writer/artist and generally have to spread my paints/pencils/paper/palettes/all-the-P-words across our kitchen table for lack of a better space, it was decreed by the Higher Ups that I could inherit the empty room as a bedroom and studio.
Or a “flat”, as dad calls it. He tries so hard to be British.
Despite the fact that I’m not currently in possession of the flat (my parents’ room smells like mildew, so until that little catastrophe gets straightened out, they occupy my would-be quarters), and despite the fact that I currently have no desk to work at, the fact that I actually have my own room is still pretty cool, to say the least.
I’ve seen a bunch of bloggers doing these weird, “bedroom tour” thingies. They seem to be a trend right now, and I love being trendy (Read: have nothing else to talk about), and hey, since I finally have a bedroom to blather over, GUYS! Meet my new flat:
HA.
You thought I was serious, didn’t you.
Nope, my bedroom is much, much, MUCH cooler than that bohemian mess up there. MY bedroom doesn’t have icky hanging-hammock-chairs or gross potted plants. (Nature? Yuck.) MY bedroom doesn’t have weird fluffy pillows and strange beams in my ceiling. MY bedroom doesn’t have a massive, floor-to-ceiling window. (Who would want all that light? I’d feel so exposed.)
My bedroom has all the latest bedroom fashions. It has expensive decor. It has a refurbished floor. It is the DEFINITION of trendiness, and it puts that low-budget mess up there to shame.
Guys, welcome to MY bedroom:
Notice how the crooked blinds add artistic flair.
As a creative person, I couldn’t ask for a better work space. There’s so much subtle detail in the surrounding decor, so much understated beauty. So much to gain inspiration from. Take, for instance, my modern-art display in the corner.
Modern art can be hard to understand, so I’ll interpret the meaning of this masterpiece: There are four boxes, each stuffed with books from a diverse range of genres, authors, and time periods. They represent the interior of a bookworm’s mind. Notice how the boxes are falling apart. This represents the bookworm’s life when she’s not reading a book. Also notice how one box is labeled “kitchen”. This represents how a bookworm tries to disguise her obsessive reading behind the guise of doing something useful.
Isn’t modern art clever?
Of course, my art display isn’t the only inspiring thing about my flat. Take this wire, for instance. Oh, the philosophical questions posed by this random wire!
What is it?
Why is it coming from my wall?
Will I be electrocuted if I touch it?
Is it possible to trip on it in the dark?
(Yes it is, because I just did.)
Does this wire represent how short and futile a life without God is? Attempting to be useful, yet plugging into nothing. Tethered to a wall of eternity, unable to break away from the fate of death, yet refusing to connect with God and be saved from the misery of denying one’s purpose in life. This wire is a allegorical symbol of humanity, of stubbornness, of detachment from God, of–
…aaaand my mom just told me it’s a TV cable.
Anyway.
The new fashion in bedroom decor is to leave your bed frame unassembled in the corner. Now you can study it every morning when you wake up and marvel at the beauty of wooden slats!
But what’s that beside it?
WEAPONS!!!
(…did I say that too excitedly?)
Some people would look at this cool ladder-shelf and think it won’t fit in the room because it’s taller than my sloping attic-ceiling allows. But I say, “BEGONE, PESSIMISM.” Just lean it against the ceiling and hope no one notices.
My collection of long lost friends. I was never much of a doll person, but after watching Toy Story, I vowed to say something nice to them every single day.
Even this guy.
Don’t ask.
Right below them, you’ll witness my fine collection of aesthetically pleasing books that refused to take part in the modern art display. There’s one, two, three…
…eight N.D. Wilson books, not including the one my sister is reading.
You can tell what MY reading craze has been of late…
And don’t forget Wall – E.
ART JUNK!
Really. All of it. Except the BB-8 speaker. And the almond jar I refurbished as a money bank.
Like I said before: Don’t ask.
I’m only including this picture because I need people to look at my lock-picking tool. Guys… you pick locks with it. How cool is that??
Don’t worry, I have completely legal plans for it.
*changes into all black clothes packs a duffel-bag Scott Lang style*
No, really! Just look what’s on the other side of the shelf!
There are some very interesting parts about interrogation.
Some hoity-toity people have the false impression that a dresser is the best way to store your clothes. What they don’t know is that blue plastic tubs aren’t just aesthetically pleasing, but they save space as well! Win win, amiright?
What’s in the tub, you ask?
MORE BOOKS!!!
And messy clothes.
I could show you the rest of my closet, but…
I’m not showing you the rest of my closet.
Yes, those are also books. No, I don’t need to downsize. I’m perfectly fine keeping them all.
And last but not least, the window. What better way to gain inspiration than gazing out across the corn and soybean fields, staring at the cloudy sky and sucking in the delightful smell of vomit emanating from the sugar factory just over the rise? The mind has no choice but to come alive while under such circumstances.
Does it really smell like vomit? Or is it mulch? I’ve heard some compare it to feral animal waste, but I’m not willing to go that far. The real source is actually fermented sugar-beats, but hey, creativity! To date, I have a list of seventeen things the smell can be likened to.
Coincidentally, none of them are pleasant.
Now look at my beautiful, artisan light switch.
And that, friends, concludes this strange and mostly satirical bedroom tour. As you can see, my flat is much, much grander than those so-called “state-of-the-art” bedrooms. Who needs to live in a magazine cover? My splintery sub-floor is ten times cooler than your Persian rugs.
ALL THIS TO SAY, you don’t need a designer house to be inspired by your surroundings.
Though, you know… I’m sure they don’t hurt.
(And if you couldn’t already tell, the Sarcasm™ was strong in this one. It’s not always going to look like this.)
Have a good day. And tell me: What sort of oddities do you keep in your room? (I’m going to assume there are no lock-picks…)
~Sarah
The Sarcastic Elf 
To those who were wondering (and even to those who weren’t):
Yes, the comment section was disabled for several hours.
No, this is not because I don’t like you.
Yes, I must have accidentally checked some box or clicked on some wrong button that disabled it.
No, I wasn’t aware such a feature even existed.
Yes, I’m a technological dinosaur. Sue me.
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I am offended.
Though I am also relieved, because CAN YOU IMAGINE THE WORRY YOU JUST PUT ME THROUGH? I was HERE ready to COMMENT at like, 2:05 PM. And could I comment? noooo. At the time I was a bit concerned that I was the only one NOT seeing the comment section, but turns out, it was much bigger, there’s a conspiracy going on here people!
Now excuse me whilst I try to recover from this entire, horrible ordeal.
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*gives you chocolate and a trauma blanket*
I’m sorry I scarred you for life… It was unintentional, I can assure you. 😉
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*Accepts chocolate and blanket*
*sniffles* Thank you.
XD
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You are officially sued for a thousand dollars. Mail me a check…or books. Same thing to me.
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Haha, love it! I really like the bedroom tours because there’s nothing that illustrates somebody’s personality like their bedroom. Although mine tends to be a bit cluttered, though, so I guess that doesn’t really say good things about my personality… :O
I haven’t read any N.D Wilson books yet… *hides* is there one that you recommend in particular?
I am in awe (translation: jealous) of your art stash. And the little Wall-E. And… okay, that’s it, I’m coming over and borrowing all your stuff. 😉
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Of N.D. Wilson’s books…? THE 100 CUPBOARDS TRILOGY. GO FORTH AND READ THE FIRST ONE.
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Well, what a person surrounds themself with IS a good way to judge their character, so I hope my loose wires, piles of books, and splintery sub-flooring helped you judge mine. 😉
And YES, what Kendra said. Start at the beginning with the 100 cupboards. My personal favorite of Wilson’s trilogies was the Ashtown Burials, but the 100 C. are by far the best introduction to his work. And, you know, they’re this wonderful blend of the whimsical and the creepy, so they’re fun. 😏
GO READ THEM. THAT’S AN ORDER, PRIVATE.
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You can never be too enthusiastic when it comes to swords and other epic weaponry. *nods approvingly* I love your book collection! *slightly envious* My mom says we need to shed some books. *cries* But I love my books! I am reading The Dragon’s Tooth right now, actually. 😀
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SHED SOME BOOKS????
*breathing goes raspy**starts to hyperventilate**curls into the fetal position*
Such things are not said in front of my sensitive presence.
But yaaay Dragon’s Tooth! I absolutely love that book. Have you met Nolan yet? *insistent staring* Have you? Have you? *crazed smile* HAVE YOU???
*mutters under breath* I need someone to geek out with, man.
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Yeah. *cries* *hugs precious books*
I just realized that you are an INTJ. 🙂 I am as well (though I border on INFJ).
I finished Dragon’s Tooth. 😀 I LOVE NOLAN! He’s awesome, and so sad and tragic. I have a thing for tragic characters. *looks at Draco, Bucky, Nico, and half a dozen other tragic characters*
*grins* I’ll geek out! But I haven’t read any more of the series yet.
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LOVE the aesthetic book display. So pretttyyy. And the whole bookshelf, really. I’m glad to see you’ve kept some of your childhood toys. They appreciate it, never doubt.
This is one of my favorite satirical posts of yours ever…
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*smiles knowingly* I do love my pretty books. And my satire. And my dear dolls. (Fun fact: The one in the blue plaid is Crabby Baby. And the tiny one in pink is the first doll I ever owned, and the reason I chose her was because my tiny four-year-old self thought she was the only intelligent looking doll in the selection. I was a weird kid.)
I still am, actually.
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😂😂😂 That’s wonderful. Seriously though, looking through doll sections in Walmart (most of the toy section, really…but especially the girl section) is acute agony to those who appreciate intelligence. I mean, WHOA. PEOPLE. We do NOT associate with dolls who look like that. *shudder* Insipidness.
And she does look intelligent. *gives your four-year-old self a high-five*
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It was so cool to see your room! Your books ARE very aesthetically pleasing. And you have all three books in the 100 Cupboards Series… in the best editions. How. Where. YOU ARE SO LUCKY.
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Needless to say, your bedroom looks better than mine at this point. 😉
And yes, all three books in the original edition….!! The reason I’m so lucky? MY PARENTS OWN A BOOK BUSINESS. *sage nod* I still don’t know why Scholastic had to change the cover designs… they looked better the way they were.
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I love that edition!! The new ones are so childish and meh. BUT I am searching for the beautiful ones. *imperial march begins to play*
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Oh, by the way Sarah, I tagged you for the “Hello September” Blog tag (kindly ignore the fact that September is nearly OVER). Here’s the link:
https://litaflame.blog/2018/09/21/fall-time-tips-hello-september-blog-tag/
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I literally laughed out loud at this post!! I NEED MORE SARCASTIC POSTS LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE!!!
There are many odd things in my room. The latest one to be added to the collection is my blood-stained skateboard. I fell off it and smacked my head on the concrete, thus dripping blood everywhere. I considered washing the skateboard, but then decided, nah, it looks cooler with blood on it.
…. so I guess that makes me a hardcore skater. Or maybe just a complete creepo/weirdo/unsanitary-o.
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I like the cable analogy. It is different from what I used to hear and gives me a fresh perspective.
I like the rest of the writing too. You make me smile.
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Thanks Sarah….i really needed that laugh today XD
(As a side note, hanging chairs really are epic. Seriously.)
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WEAPONS!!
Seriously, you have great taste in books. All those ND Wilson books… *nods head approvingly* Also the Flanagan ones.
The Sarcasm™ is always strong with you, Sarah.
Heh, if you assume I keep no lock-picks in my room then you are mistaken. I actually do have lock-picking supplies, though they’re informal and put together by yours truly.
And in terms of oddities in my room, I have LEGO dragons, marble eggs, and veritable mountains of stuffed animals and yarn (separately, of course). I’d rather not go on, for fear of showing my emotional side to non-INTJs and thus enemies.
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