Family

Why My Family Should Never Be Movie Characters

by Sarah Baran

My Family

I had plans for this blog post. For the first time in my life, I wrote it a week before I was supposed to publish it. I would wait for Thursday and post it like any respectable blogger. Right?

Wrong.

My dear mother was so impatient to read it that I, being the dutiful daughter that I am, have decided to publish it early, just for her. Let’s overlook the fact that she is a raving fan of her own daughter’s blog.

Anyway, all that depth from last week wore me out, so this post will be pretty simple: Each member of my family summed up in three fictitious characters. I have come to the firm conclusion that we should never, EVER be story characters. That book would not have a happy ending.

I will start with myself. Because that is ALWAYS the best place to start.

Disclaimer: This post has been proof read by all involved, and approved. Don’t think I’m affectionately making fun of my family without their permission.

Sarah

Galadriel

galadriel2

This kind of goes without saying. She’s Galadriel. She’s an Elf. She turns green when she’s mad. She does creepy out-of-the-corner-of-her-eye looks.

Need I say more?

Disgust

disgust

Don’t judge me.

Loki

loki

Okay, I feel the need to clarify something: Would I open a portal in space and let an army of mutant robots through to blow up New York City? No. No I would not. If given the chance, would I try to take over the world?

Well…

Anna

Hehe, this is going to be fun.

Kylo Ren

kylo ren1.gif

The stormtroopers represent anyone unfortunate enough to be in the near vicinity when she’s mad.

Anna

Look at that, even their names are the same, except our Anna pronounces hers the right way, unlike those weird people over at Disney.

anna.gif

I wouldn’t exactly say that Anna is as, um, happy-go-lucky as Frozen Anna. Or as dumb. But she’s definitely as klutzy.

Dory

dory

Scatter-brained, off the wall, and has a weird habit of saving the day when no one’s expecting it. That’s all you need to know.

Mop

No, that’s not a typo. My dear mother has taken to calling herself ‘Mop’ in the comments. What mother calls themselves Mop? My mother, that’s who.

Edmund Sparkler

sparkler

For all you Charles Dickens nerds. Mind you, my dear mother isn’t stupid, like Sparkler, but on not-so-rare occasions, she can be a little…dense. Upon realization of said denseness, she erupts into…

Mrs. Bennet

…Mrs. Bennet-ish laughter.

mrs bennet5

The girl in the background is me.

Then of course, there are those moments out in society when she just…doesn’t…get it.

mrs bennet7

She rarely ever whines, but when she chooses to do so, look out.

mrs bennet3.gif

I know I’ve broken my three picture limit. I would apologize, but I’m not even sorry.

Joy

joy.png

I am aware that she’s upside down. That’s the point.

While I wouldn’t say that mom is as bubbly as Joy, she is like her in almost every other way. The only thing missing is the blue hair, but I doubt she’s going to get that anytime soon.

Dad

Maurice

maurice.jpg

I think that pretty much sums it up. Inventor is an understatement. He is the only person I  know who can fix a car with duck tape and zip-ties.

Fear

fear.png

Dad’s not a chicken. But does he worry? A lot? Yes. Yes he does.

Samwise Gamgee

sam

First off, I’d like to say that it is extremely unfair that there are people in this world comparable to Sam, and I’m not one of them.

Dad, on the other hand… Steadfast, loyal, brave, honest, humble, heroic, (and a tad suspicious) etcetery and so forth. The only Sam-ish thing he lacks is poetry. Sam stands in a war torn city and spouts something beautiful about the future that will never happen, but makes us all cry anyway. Dad stands on a balcony, watching the sunset, and says, “It looks like…some giant hand…took a big paintbrush and just…”

*insert wild hand motion*

Joseph

Muahahaha…Aren’t brothers just the best?

Darth Vader

darth

Darth Vader

darth

Darth Vader

darth

Okay, okay, I’ll be serious now. Here are the three movie characters Joseph most resembles:

Little Ani

little ani

No comment.

Anakin

anakin.jpg

Still no comment.

Darth Vader

darth

If there wasn’t a comment before, there certainly won’t be one now.

I know I said only three characters, but there are too many good ones to restrict it to three. So here are some honorable mentions.

Sarah–Edmund Pevensie

edmund.png

Is that an evil grin I see? I like to think so.

Anna–Eowyn

eowyn.jpg

Actually, I’m only putting this in here because this,

witch king.gif

is Anna’s favorite moment in the entire Return of the King, and I need someone to agree with me and tell her she’s weird.

Though really, there are some similarities between Anna and Eowyn. Someone, please help.

Mom–Hawkeye

clint.png

Pragmatic? Check. Witty one-liners? Check. Stable and steadfast? Check.

The only difference here is that if mom tried to use a bow and arrows, she would not only kill herself, but everyone else in a three mile radius.

Dad–The Absent Minded Professor

absent

This is one of those oldies that every human being ought to see at least once. And when you do, you can reread this and know what I’m talking about.

Joseph–Wasabi

wasabi.gif

And if you dare touch ANY of it… *purposely leaves the rest blank*

Okay, I feel like this entire post, Joseph has been mostly Darth Vader. To even out the scales a bit, I’m going to add one more to his list.

Mr. Thornton

mr thornton

Yup, another one of those BBC period dramas. This one is North and South. Mr. Thornton, the owner of a cotton mill, is dedicated, hardworking, and honest, and that is totally Joseph.

And they’re both a tad grumpy. But we’ll overlook that.

Now would be the opportune moment to ask you what weird characters your family resembles, but I have never wanted to be that kind of blogger, so I will refrain.

Goodbye. And if your mother ever wants you to post something early, do it. You can’t imagine the joy it will bring her.

~Sarah

44 thoughts on “Why My Family Should Never Be Movie Characters”

          1. “So you’re bravely refusing to fight a swordsman half your age.”
            “I’m not holding YOUR hand!”
            “I didn’t exactly have a solid gold chess set in Finchly.”
            *nearly gets his head chopped off by a Telmarine* “I’m a bit busy, Pete.”

            There. XD

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  2. Loved your latest Sarah….you sure do know your family well. Don’t know most of the movie characters but the descriptions you gave were “spot-on”.

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  3. QUEEN Mop to you, Miss Galadriel. And, while I am still THE QUEEN, a fact which should never for even a moment be forgotten by certain underlings, I will bow on this ONE occasion to “The Big Head”. *genuflects*
    Darlin, you NAILED it! Every. Single. One. of us! 😂😂. But what means you that I’m not getting blue hair anytime soon?!?

    “I don’t see that! Why should I see that!? Why should that be?!” Mrs. Bennett. 😉

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  4. I laughed aloud when I reached:

    Darth Vader.

    Darth Vader.

    And oh wait, guess what? Darth Vader.
    That was all too much for me. 🙂
    Did you pick the characters you resemble yourself or did your family choose them?
    I had another question and completely forgot it. Give it some time…
    Yep! Remembered. Which of your parents did you get the sarcasm from?

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  5. Hey, I say it like I see it. 😉
    Weeeell, I might have picked Galadriel… They did the rest.

    The sarcasm definitely came from my mother. We are dangerous together. Poor dad doesn’t know what to do with us sometimes…

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  6. THIS IS HILARIOUS. Ouch. So fun. All the villains though… XD Now you’ve got my wondering what three fictional characters I would be…

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      1. I see that. *smirks* I would probably tend to agree… XD Others that I would be might possibly include Arwen and, um… *wrinkles forehead* um… Smeagol or Anne of Green Gables, depending on what mood you catch me in. :’D

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          1. Lol! Definitely. XD *whispers* Think… extreme drama and a… um… mild case of split personality.
            MILD, mind you. *severe eyebrows*

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  7. You don’t know how excited I get when I see a new post notification from here in the e-mail inbox. *flails*

    This is GREAT! And every time I read one of your posts I find myself wanting to comment on so many aspects my comment would turn out a crazy length if I said all I thought. You shouldn’t be such a good blogger. *severe Gandalf eyebrows*

    It was all awesome, at any rate. Joseph sounds like my dad for sure. 😛 (And he TOTALLY has the Wasabi part too. “I have a system. There’s a place for everything, and everything in its place.” ‘And if you dare touch ANY of it… *purposely leaves the rest blank* ‘ *gasping choke* YES.)

    I agree. Anna, you’re weird. Not that that part isn’t good, but FAVORITE?! But weird is estimable in my estimation. So you’re good, I guess. Though it does sort of depend on the type of weird…

    Now I’m thinking of Galadriel, Mrs. Bennet, Kylo Ren, Darth Vader (or Mr. Thornton!), and Samwise Gamgee in the same place…you are very right. That story would have an unhappy ending. XD

    If I were three movie characters…I’ve been wracking my brain and all I’ve thought of so far is Archie Kennedy (from Horatio Hornblower), and Merry Brandybuck. Oh, and…Inspector Mason, the police inspector from North and South. 😛 I know. So distinctive.
    Kate, you would be Kylo Ren. *grim smile*

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  9. Aha, I thought of someone else. Fili, from the movies of The Hobbit.
    Try as I might though, I can’t find myself a villain.

    And no, I’m not trying to take over your comment section. *profuse apologies*

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    1. I was getting ready to yell at you for defiling my comments with the name of Kili, then I reread what you said. Fili. Right. I got this. XD Look and learn, children. This is why we don’t skim read. But since you said Fili, you have totally earned firm handshakes instead of yelling, because Fili is good. *firmly shakes hand*

      THANK YOU. Do you hear that, Anna? *poke* You’re weird.

      You know, you do kind of remind me of Merry. Except you’re not as dumb as he can sometimes be, and you don’t dance on tables. (You don’t dance on tables, do you?) I once took a Lord of the Rings quiz, and they said I would be Pippin. I was veritably offended. 🙂

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  10. *firmly returns shake* Yeah. FILI. (But honestly, APART from the Tauriel (pretend I didn’t write that name) stuff I do like Kili. All his stuff with Fili, and THORIN…I do love it. So you can yell now if you want. *prepares for tongue lashing*)

    NO. No, I do not dance on tables. I like trying to imitate his dumb look though—you know, the mouth half hanging open to one side, and his eyes bugging out of his head? 😀 I think sometimes he looks dumber than he really was though.
    And really!! That’s crazy. Pippin is ESFP. That’s polar opposite of INTJ. It must’ve been your sense of humor that gave you that result. 😛

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    1. *pretends you didn’t write THAT name* *prepares to give tongue lashing* *realizes everything you said is pretty true* *meekly hands you tongue*

      I can just imagine you doing that. XD Yeah, of all the Shire hobbits, Merry was probably one of the more intelligent ones. I think I got Pippin because I said that if faced with battle, my first impulse would be to run. 🙂

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      1. Oh, how kind. Very relieving. A tongue lashing from Galadriel would have proven rather a spectacle. XD

        Ha! Well…I can’t really…blame you. 😛 *shakes head* So brave we are, so brave, and so very very strong.

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  11. xD
    Darth Vadar
    Darth Vadar
    Darth Vadar

    THIS POST WAS SOOO FUNNY. *glances over shoulder at my own family members* I think I might have to steal your idea and get my family to do this. (not that I would ever be able to convince them to let me put it in a blog post, but if I do, I’ll let you know 😉 ).

    I’m cracking up with laughter right now. This is up there with some of my favorite funny blog posts ever. You rock ❤

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    1. Ha, you should! It’s so much fun, though it gets hard when a family member has way too many characters to choose between three…

      Awww! *explodes into a pile of glitter* This makes me so happy. I’m so glad my small corner of the internet can make people laugh. 🙂

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  13. I took the quiz, which LOTR character are you, and they said I was Frodo. I was kind of disappointed. I wanted to be Sam, but deep down, I know I’m not.

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  15. Pingback: Blogs, Clogs, and Fatty Frogs // ’cause what else would I name a bloggiversary post? – The Sarcastic Elf

  16. WHAT A FUN EPIC POST. I love it. Especially that picture of Mr. Thornton. I love him. And the person who plays him. I’m going to… go now… *flails frantically, sobs, and dies abruptly in the corner*

    You are so good at witty sentences and paragraphs, btw. Keep up the good work.

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    1. Haha, oh boy, you’re goin’ back to my blog’s baby days. Hopefully I didn’t write anything to embarrassing back then. 😂😂😂

      And actually, now that I think about it, most people on here probably don’t know I have an older brother. He lives out of state, so he’s not really part of the swing of average life. He’s in the third part of my sister’s wedding posts, though, which is coming out next week.

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